Wednesday, August 03, 2011

The answer to water shortages

"Allo Alf, flippin' 'ot ain't it.  Pint? I see waterways is puttin' restrictions on locking up the Leicester Arm then.  Runnin' out of water apparently."

"Allo Bert.  Yeah make mine a pint of best.   They 'aven't got a bloody clue 'ave they.  It's the same down the Oxford.  I just writ to 'im about it."

"Writ to who?"

"'im at waterways of course.  Not a bloody clue they aven't got, when the answers starin' 'em in the face"

"Wass that then?"

Well, it's easy 'ennit.  There's a couple of fings what they could be doin'.   First they could get some bloody dredgers out there and dig the canals a bit deeper.  Dig the bottom away from the top like, so they'll be deeper.  Then, and this is my big idea I writ to 'im about,  - they could make some new rules about all them people out on 'oliday cruises."

New rules?"

"Yeah, it's dead simple.  What you gotta do is this.  You knows 'ow a boat takes a lock full of water with it when it goes through?"

"Er,   yeah"

"Big waste of water that.  Well if you makes a rule that all these 'oliday boats has to do a ring instead of an out and back, they'll bring the water all round wiv 'em won't they.  So you won't lose any 'cos it'll all get back where it started.  Simple."

"You can't argue wiv that.  Brilliant.  I'll 'ave another and a packet of crisps, ta"


Roger Smith said...

Well it beats my idea of sticking turbines in all the bywashes and paddle channels, feeding electricity into accumulators and using that to pump the water back up above the lock.

Martin said...

Penrose locks!

Neil Corbett said...


?? 'scuse my ignorance but what are penrose locks?