In one horrendous evening just a few yards from Bancroft canal basin in Stratford upon Avon. No less than eight people met their deaths tonight from a bout of poisoning and a subsequent fight.
The deceased were named tonight as a Mr Polonious, his daughter Ophelia and her brother Laertes, a Mr Claudius and his wife Gertrude and her son Hamlet. It was also announced that two gentlemen called Rosencratz and Guildenstern are dead.
Retired couple Neil and Kath Corbett who were moored nearby on their boat Herbie were witnesses to the event and wandered over to watch the proceedings. "There were corpses all over the place." said the shocked couple, "the people of Stratford are very callous, they were applauding and cheering at the end."