Best Boat Name for 2020?

Funny old things boat names.  No matter how many boats we cruise past, I can never resist looking at their names. Maybe it's in case it's someone we know, but more often it's to perhaps give some idea of the people who chose its name.  We didn't choose Herbie's name, she came to us with it. Oven ready as some idiot might say,(oh now I'm getting depressed again).  Nevertheless we've got used to Herbie's name despite the odd remark about Volkswagens.  I always think it's a friendly cheery name anyhow although I get bit conflicted about calling Herbie a 'she'.

I've written before about good and not so good names.  Some are downright filthy (I won't even quote the worst and I imagine their owners must be creepy at least), some are yucky- how about Our Destiny? Some are witty like the lovely spoonerised Sailbad the Sinner, or  the naughty but fun  little Jolly Todger we used to see down the GU years ago .  Some are right for the boat and some are not, I mean a big old tug covered in rivets called Titan is good but it would hardly work on a plastic cruiser would it?  I like the tiny plastic cruiser down the Oxford simply called Yoghurt.  Then of course there's the lovely Bones owned by the lovely Bones just to confuse us. And as for all the Dreamcatchers and Narrow Escapes, well they're hardly original are they? And of course there's the quaintly named scruffy old CRT boat called Pride of Slough. And finally as I have said before if I had another boat I might call it AXE, so I could easily manage the sign writing.

All that said, we saw a boat this year with a new slant -  a name that raised a smile because it's super appropriate for the times we are living through.  It couldn't have been planned that way because it wasn't a new boat, but anyway here's a little Herbie Award for it. 

Best Name for a Boat in 2020

Anybody seen a Zoom this year or a Circuit Break?  They'd be good. 

Herbie Awards resume - Best Locks

 After our two day "comfort break", well I've been busy, we resume our glittering ceremony with an item of interest to all of us canal boaters.  Best Locks.

Due to this year's extraordinary circumstances we're picking from a pretty limited field here as we've only covered the ground between Cropredy and  Stretton Stop with a brief detour up and down the three Calcutt Locks.

Well let's get Calcutt out of the way shall we?  It's fair to say that that's one set of locks I have learned to dread if the weather is at all windy.  Actually the locks themselves aren't the problem, big and heavy as they are, it's the pounds between them.  The flippin' wind howls across the canal pushing the boat into the concrete bank on the towpath side and it's a real pig to get off again.  Just below the bottom lock we had to do a sharp left to get into the narrow marina entrance (to get our engine mount fitted).  So strong was the wind that we had to use full revs and whizzed through the entrance at such a speed that a poor chap on the pontoon just inside appear to be horror struck as we swerved to narrowly miss his boat.  At that's not the only time we've had to do that.  Rick will well remember an almost identical occasion on a previous visit.

So that leaves us with North and South Oxford canal locks.  After a few years pottering up and down between Cropredy and Oxford, you forget how easy some locks can be.  Much as I love it down through Banbury and beyond it is fair to say that for heavy or broken paddles, and gates that won't fully open, they take some beating.

Hang on, this is sounding like a Worst Locks Award.  Sorry it's just for contrast to explain our delight at travelling through better maintained ones at last.

One of my favourite locks is Broadmoor lock the first one above Cropredy marina, the one where the man sells windlasses and fenders and there is a nice little lawn where he puts out apples for sale.  I'm always glad to be there even when there is one paddle out of action (well this is the South Oxford).  Nice one.

Then after a couple more up the hill we get the Claydon flight.  Well they're quick to do but  that's about all.   Then quite a few hours later we come to the Napton flight. We went down them three times this year and up them twice (work that one out) The paddles and gates are mostly good (well, bloody marvellous in comparison to locks towards Oxford).  What are there - eight or nine of them? On the lower part of the flight, the locks come thick and fast and t all goes pretty smoothly and quickly, or it would do if there weren't queues.  Our grand daughter Grace actually chose to go up and down them twice this summer, just for the fun of it. However, this year because of water restrictions limiting lock hours there were queues of several hours at the top, so in spite of the locks themselves being fine and the chance to see the buffaloes on the way down, and the reward of the Folly pub at the bottom, it would be hard to give them the Award.

So that just leaves us with the Hillmorton locks, arranged neatly in side by side pairs and with their unusual paddle gear, they wind down the hill very nicely.  The paddles are light and the gates are fine.  At least one paddle was out of action this year, but at Hillmorton it really doesn't matter that much.  The duplicated locks not only speed things up, they make for  a nice bit of social interaction with other boaters too. There was a bit of a queue at the top, but considering that the stats regularly show Hillmorton bottom lock to be the busiest on the whole canal network, the delay was minimal. Always a pleasure.

So that's it folks, not many to choose from, but this is 2020, normal rules do not apply

So 

for an Individual Lock  my vote goes to Broadmoor Lock, 

and for a flight, Hillmorton Locks.  

Hows that?

How about an Award for Best Boat Name?  See you next time.

Two Awards today Best Toy and Best Cruising Stretch

Deciding whether to give Best Toy award to our magnetic letters or to GPS speed trackers all comes down to what mood we're in I guess.  Well folks it's been a tough year for all of us, and in these grey days of winter we all need cheering up so for the sheer fun of it we're going for the Magnetic Letters.  Actually I thoroughly recommend everybody gets a set.  Wouldn't it be fun if we all cheered each other up next year by displaying a cheery message on our boats.  According to the label on the jar, we got ours from Wedgewhiteboards.co.uk (actually Kath bought them for me last Christmas).  Go on, you know you want some.

Speaking of being cheered up, what can beat one of those moments when you say to yourself "How perfect is this? How lucky we are to be here."

 I have to admit there are odd moments when I think "Have we had enough boating?"  although funnily enough those moments rarely happen when we're actually aboard.  Set against that, there are times when I think "Wow, there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now" and this year I had such a moment on our Best Cruising Stretch.  It was a beautiful sunny morning in August and we reaching the furthest point of a leisurely weeks cruise, turning at Stretton Stop on the North Oxford. Before and after turning we chugged very slowly, taking in the peace and the wonderfully dappled sunlight as we passed through All Oaks Wood.  Looking back from the tiller I managed to snap this picture.

Later that day I walked back along there and took this photo of someone else enjoying the same experience which I think sums it up well.

Even at our crawling pace it only took about 20 minutes  each way to get through the wood, but it's lodged in my memory now as a moment when I knew why we go boating.

So the Award for Best Cruising Stretch 2020 goes to All Oaks Wood.

I'd really like to know other people's best moments too.  A bit of shared happiness spread amongst friends wouldn't go amiss. right now.

More awards next time - how about Best Locks - not all that many to choose from this year but there are good contenders.

Best Canal Business 2020 Award plus some toys for boaters

 So for our second Herbie Award winners announcement we decide on the Best Canal Business for 2020.  In this unique and troublesome year we considered the business who had solved problems for us in the most helpful and stress free way, and all things considered for sorting out the complete pig's ear we made of trying to transfer marinas in a sympathetic and trouble free way at virtually no notice:

The Herbie Award for Best Canal Business 

goes to 

Castle Marinas

When Castle Marinas took over ownership on Cropredy and Crick a year ago, we wondered if it would be a move for the better or the worse.  Well certainly for us it saved the day.  The help we have had from Cropredy, Wigrams Turn  and Kings Bromley has been friendly and supportive throughout the Covid cock up.  Thanks folks.

Nominations for Best Boater's Toy.

Now on to a bit of fun.  Usually we give an award for best gadget and of course the idea of a good gadget is that it should be useful for something.  Well folks, sometimes gadgets are allowed to be primarily for fun, so this year we've renamed in Best Boater's Toy.  You don't need any of these things but you might enjoy having them.  I certainly do anyway.

First off a low tech item.  In fact it is designed and sold as a sort of toy, albeit an educational one.  Typically we are not putting it to educational use but to perhaps raise a smile from other boaters.  Here it is.

and here it is put to use.

On our last trip we changed the message every day or two - anything from GRAND ONION CANAL' to ,on a very breezy day, ' BLOWIN IN THE WIND'.  The letters are just magnetic enough to stay put, but easy to move and not strong enough to scratch the paint, and here and there they did raised a smile or a laugh from passers by.  I really like 'em.

Next up, something marginally less frivolous.

The speed limit on English canals is supposed to be 4mph I believe.  Fat chance.  I suppose you could exceed it on a deep wide canal like bits of the Grand Union, but in most places you'd be hard put to even reach 3.5 mph.  So who needs a speedometer?  Nobody, but it is fun and interesting to have one and thanks to the wonders of GPS it's now easy to get.

First I made my own by coding an App for my Android phone. I called it SpeedO

here it is in action.

'but', I hear you ask,' I don't know how to do that'.

Fear not, there are better things you can get either free or very cheaply on your smart phone.  Here's a good one.

This is an app called Pacer that I use for recording my exercise walks.  I have no doubt it will work in recording your boat's movements - it does have a cycling setting so it doesn't have to count steps.  It really does encourage me to keep up the exercise routine, especially as it passes the data on to the Google Fit app as you see here

You get a map showing where you've been, a breakdown of your speeds over different sections of the trip and lots of other stuff.  There are lots of apps like this whether you've got an Android phone or an iPhone.  After collecting this data for a while you could be more realistic about putting in your average speed into CanalPlan if you are planning a trip or trying to work out whether you will reach the pub in time. Or maybe you like to walk the towpath to keep fit.  This will help you set and keep targets, or you could even use it to produce a map of a walk to pass on to a friend. I use another one called Biker for cycling and that gives you instant readouts of your speed.  

Do you really need this stuff? Well not really, but it's good for trying to keep up the exercise, and you can use it as a canal Speedo. I just think it's fun and interesting -a toy.

Is it more fun than magnetic letters?  Find out next time, when we'll also be looking at the most attractive stretch of canal from this year's cruises.

Best Pub Award and nominations for Best Canal Business

 It's not been the easiest of years, 

he may have struggled, 

he may have lost income

 but Mark, the landlord of the Folly Inn at Napton will know it was all worth it just to win

The Herbie Canal Pub of the Year Award. 

for providing a safe, welcoming service during a Covid stricken year

(Deep Joy - a well deserved and popular win)

We'd also like to give a "Highly Commended" to the ever friendly Olive Bush pub at Flecknoe.

Lots of business have struggled this year and lots of them have gone the extra mile to provide a service to their customers, which brings us to our second Herbie Award for 2020.

Best Canal Business.

Who has gone out of their way to help Herbie this year?  In chronological order, all, as it happens, in the same 48 hour period as the first Covid lockdown loomed during our planned trip to Kings Bromely.  Help in a stressful time.:

1. Calcutt Boats who as well as arranging a firm booking for a repair whilst we were en-route from Cropredy to Kings Bromley, gave us safe harbour in strong winds overnight before fitting us a new engine mount and giving the engine a service the next day, performing a job in a morning for which another boat yard had quoted us two days(and a lot more money).

2. Midland Chandlers - who reserved two stoves for us so that we could choose the better fitting one on our arrival with Herbie and allowing the fitting to be done on their customer mooring so that other items such as a new flue could be obtained at the time as needed.  We should also mention their recommended fitter Colin Rowe who was prompt, professional and quick working as well as being cheerful and tidy.  The whole job was a lot faster and cheaper than when we last had a stove fitted.  All this on the very day that lockdown was announced.

3. Later the same day, while we were still on the mooring at Midland Chandlers we reacted to the news of the lockdown by deciding to abandon our move to Kings Bromley marina and hastily contacted Wigrams Turn marina to see if they could accommodate us at short notice.  Two hours later we were safely moored up on a new(to us) berth at Wigrams Turn with nothing to pay as Wigrams and Kings Bromley are all part of the Castle Marinas group.  When the dust settled the moneys were transferred within the group without any palaver involving us.  Kings Bromley still held a place for us pending the lifting of lockdown, only letting it go when we once again abandoned the move in September fearing (rightly) further lockdowns. Despite us messing them about, both marinas have been accommodating and understanding and the £500 deposit that Kings Bromley were holding was knocked of our bill at Wigrams.

We are grateful to them all for making a complex set of problems easy for us at a stressful time.  Who would you give the award to?  The Herbie Award Academy (me and Kath) will meet later today to make our choice.

Meanwhile dear reader, ponder our next award Best Boaters Toy - we used to call this Best Boaters gadget, but let's face it, gadgets are all fun aren't the and this years short list are fun to use.

The 14th Annual Herbie Awards

Yes it's here at last, the moment that both my readers have been waiting for, 

The 14th Annual Herbie Awards

"What will the categories be in this strangest of years?" I hear you ask.  Is there anything to award when so little time has been spent boating?  You bet there is.  We've cruised for 20 days, had jobs done on the boat, been to the pub, faced scary moments, entertained helpful crew and spent happy days is lovely places, so many of the old award categories are ripe for recognition.

Your fully sequined hosts (me and Kath) are on the rostrum and a pile of Golden Envelopes lie ready on the table, so sit back, break out the cheap prosecco and get ready to applaud the illustrious winners.

First up is that old favourite;  Best Pub by the canal.

Despite the cruel but probably necessary temporary closure of so many pubs this year and despite the shortness of our cruises we made efforts to support  publicans where we could.  So we have three nominees for Best Pub (actually they could also technically be nominated for worst pubs visited because they were the only three we managed to find open)

Sadly the Wharf at Fenny Compton was closed the last time we were there in July, but they were still open in March when old friend Rick joined us to help us on our way to Calcutt.  We warned Rick about the huge portion sizes they dish up at the Wharf and he was not disappointed.

Down at Napton, the brilliant landlord mark at the Folly had done a brilliant job of moving the business out into the garden with lots of spaced out seating and a number of marquees to shelter from any bad weather.  

They had obviously put in loads of work to make the place safe and welcoming and I'm glad to say they were doing a roaring trade in the summer months.. The slightly shortened menu was still full of goodies and the excellent Shagweaver bitter was in tip top condition.   

Lastly thanks to a lift from Rick and Marilyn we managed to get up to the Olive Bush at Flecknoe (about a mile from the canal) for their quiz night in March.  Although mainly frequented by locals, this small village pub is very welcoming and they do very good food and drink and an excellent quiz. The locals are full of fun and we always have a good night there.  It was during the week of panic buying in the shops and one local gent came into the bar concealing a toilet roll under his coat joking "Psst , anyone want to buy supplies".  Later, in September we saw signs along the canal saying that the Olive Bush was offering to deliver hot meals down to the canal.  Now that's what I call enterprising.

So only three to choose from but all worthy contenders.  Come back next time for the opening of the Golden Envelope to reveal the winner and to read about nominations for Best Canal Business and how they supported is in difficult times.

Herbie Awards Defy Lockdown

 "Covid or no Covid, we're not letting that Boris kill our tradition," cried elderly boater Herbie Neil, "Our public needs a lift in these trying times.  Even if the year ends in tiers were not letting it end in tears, so the 14th Annual Herbie Awards are going ahead.  We've spaced out the virtual tables and ordered some sequined face masks and we're ready to go."

Asked how awards can be made when so little boating has gone on this year, the old gentleman replied "We'll think of something, we still managed to get in about twenty days of boating this year and we needed the help of quite a few people in one way or another so there's plenty of competition for awards."

This years Award series starts on December 1st, so book your socially distanced seats, wash your hands, slip on your face masks, and bring a substantial meal.  It's about to begin.

Lockdown entertainment -stunt men in the garden

We may not be boating, but we're still getting our kicks at home.  Read on.  Depending on what device you're viewing this on, you may or may not get a very short video.  The video shows on our tablets but not on our phones (no idea why) I'll put a photo as well just in case.

I mentioned during the summer how much pleasure we got from the history and the wildlife in the churchyard behind our house.  Well yesterday we got a another thrilling show from over there from some daring tree surgeons - or perhaps they were stunt men. They might as well have been.

All along the hedge behind our row of houses are a number of huge lime trees.  At a guess, they are seventy or eighty feet tall.  If our one should fall over on our house, that would be the end of our top storey.  

Yesterday afternoon we heard a lot of kerfuffle outside and on looking out of the bedroom window and saw a man high up in 'our' (actually it belongs to the church) tree.  Naturally he was roped up and had a harness and karabiners and all that, but you wouldn't have got me up there. At one point he was about 40 feet up and holding a saw on a telescopic pole as long as one of those fishing poles that men have to raise like tower bridge when we pass underneath aboard Herbie. It must be hard sawing with a thing like that, but branches from some sixty or more feet up were raining down.  Sadly the man at that point was hidden in a tangle of branches near the trunk and I couldn't get a clear photo.  Then, lower down but still much higher than I would have a head for, he emerged along a branch with a hand saw.   Here's the little video for those that can see it, plus a photo for anyone that can't. Would you do this?:  (Click the full screen thingy in the bottom corner of the video to see it big)

Here's the photo.

I'm hoping they'll be back today to do next door's tree.  Oddly, that one will afford us a clearer view.

Is something actually going to get done for Slough Basin??

 Well whaddaya know? It begins to look like CRT and some developers might at last actually be going to do something about the basin at the end of the Slough Arm.  A local newspaper report gives details of a £68m scheme to regenerate the area making an attractive waterfront area and building  in excess of 300 homes (mostly flats I suspect).  I dare say it would be a good long term investment for CRT. I know they've been looking at the idea for some years, so I'm happy to see that it is getting nearer to reality.  The dear old Sough Arm deserves it. 

I would show you the pretty architects' picture of the proposed development but for copyright reasons I'd better direct you with this link to see for yourself.

For those of you who've never ventured down there, and I could hardly blame you, here's what it looks like currently.

 Hardly worth the trip I admit , especially in the summer when the canal is usually choked with weed.  I've often remarked that the canal doesn't properly end, it just stops. 

Now the interesting question will be that if the development goes ahead, will CRT feel obliged to do more about the navigability of the arm?  They did dredge about half of it a couple of years back, but in what I thought was a crazy decision, they dredged the half at the far end.  What use was that when people can't get that far because the arm at the "open" end is mega shallow and weeded up?

It's a pity because despite its poor reputation, much of the arm is really very pleasant with abundant wildlife and beautiful clear (if shallow) water.   If you want to see dragonflies and kingfishers and fish then it's the place to go.

And the other question is will CRT ensure there are visitor moorings not permanently occupied by overstaying residential boats? The pretty picture in the article shows a few shiny boats and what looks like cafes and bars and people strolling in the sunshine.   Having got a "virgin" site, they would have a chance to properly police the place to keep it open to visiting boats.  Once the overstayers are allowed to creep in they are hard to shift.

Some readers may recall a past proposal to extend the canal right through Slough to join the Thames, creating what would be a very attractive route avoiding the problems of waiting for the tide at Brentford.  What a popular route that would make. Sadly there's no mention of that, and indeed it would be a mega  project involving knocking down streets and houses and all that. Having said than I bet it would be a lot more popular than cutting a swathe through a hundred miles of country to save a few minutes on a train trip from London to Birmingham.  The area concerned in Slough is unlikely to be fought over by environmentalists and the Wotsit for the Preservation of Rural England.

Would you like to visit London on your boat? Have your say on moorings.

Many boaters reading this will I'm sure be aware of the situation I'm about to describe.  It's not recent news but an ongoing problem which sees visiting boaters from up country actively discouraged from visiting one of the gems of the canal network.  Right now there's an opportunity to let CRT know how we feel about this.  First let me paint the picture.

In our first few years of having Herbie, we made frequent visits to London, mostly tying up in Paddington for a city break and sometimes continuing on down to Limehouse, or turning off for a trip up the Lee and Stort. It was a joy, and for the first time in our lives we were able to take regular advantage of what the city has to offer without expensive and tedious train journeys and even more expensive hotels.  Later, I joined the Towpath Ranger volunteer gang in London and spent many an hour talking to London boaters and towpath users and seeing from the inside some of the operations of CRT.

When we first started making these visits, we sometimes paused at Kensal Green  for a night or two before moving on in to Paddington.  On the stretch between the two, we saw no moored boats until we got to Little Venice, then on arrival in Paddington it was often fairly full, but we never failed to find a spot to tie up.  The Paddington security guards would pay us a polite visit reminding us that we would be expected to leave after seven (I think) days.

Skip forward ten years and I'll describe our more recent  experiences.   (It's been  a year or more probably since I last patrolled the area, but I'm pretty sure my recollections hold to this day). From the time you arrive anywhere past Acton, the bank will be lined with boats two or sometimes three abreast all the way into Paddington. That's four miles of nose to tail boats virtually all residential.  Your chances of finding a vacant spot are virtually nil.  There are of course moorings designated as Visitor Moorings throughout London, but those occupying them will not be visitors but mostly  boaters resident in London.  It is common to see boaters exchanging mooring spots late at night, so that they can fulfil their time limit obligations without losing a spot.

CRT knows the problem but thus far they have been unable or unwilling to protect the needs of visiting boaters to any proper extent.  There are a couple of spots on Rembrandt gardens which are bookable by visitors.  That's two or three moorings which you might be lucky enough to book in a huge city of thousands of boats.  I'm sure that places in Paddington basin can be found on some days, but they wouldn't be vacant for more than a few hours. Other spots at Camden and Victoria  Park have long since been virtually impossible to obtain.  I think I also read that Limehouse  was now a no no, but you may correct me on that.  How anyone who wishes to make the trip from the Grand Union to the Lee navigation can guarantee to do so defeats me, you cant't reasonably do it in one day, so you need somewhere to stop for the night.

The upshot of all this has been that the uncertainty of finding anywhere to moor has meant that anyone cruising into or through  London from further afield runs a high  risk of finding nowhere to stop.  So most of us, sadly, just don't go there even though we'd love to.  In practice we feel excluded.  Locked out.

CRT has problems enough with managing all the residential boaters in London and that is where much of their energies are spent, but having worked alongside them for some time (admittedly not very recently) they do seem totally absorbed by the issues of London based boaters at the expense of those visiting or passing through the city.

This is not a rant against London residential boaters, it is a plea for the rights of the rest of us.

At the moment they are running another consultation on boating in London, and yesterday I filled in the survey.  If you feel like me, I urge you to do the same.  What I suggested is this.  CRT has a duty to enable navigation through the system and that must include maintaining places where visitors can stop.  Visitor moorings should be for visitors to the city, not for boaters already resident in the area to move back and forth.  It would not be difficult for CRT to issue a distinctive licence for boaters based in London, so that genuine visitors to the city could be identified as such.  In that way a reasonable number of spaces for visitors could be maintained for their sole use and barred to boaters with a London licence.

I get the feeling that CRT feels that very few 'genuine' visitor spaces are needed, and of course that's because so many of us have given up bothering to take the risk to visit or pass through the city.  Were the places available, the people would come - as we have every right to do. 

Rant over.  If you feel as strongly as I do about his issue then spare a few minutes to complete the CRT survey on Managing Boats on London's Busy Waterways.  If you feel so moved, then please encourage others to do so. You can be sure that the boaters from within the city will be eagerly protesting their own needs (as they have every right to do), but those of us who wish to exercise our right as visitors need to speak up.  I don't know about you, but I feel as though London is virtually a no go area for visitors which makes me very sad.

Oh no!? - Aah don't panic. Its OK.

 

What's that? A big scrape along Herbie's paintwork?  My heart skipped a beat when I arrived yesterday, until that is I realised it was just the reflection of the boat opposite.  Actually she was looking pretty good and all tidy and dry inside, batteries 100% charged (thanks Mr Sun), oh and there were the headphones Kath couldn't find at home.  Successful visit then.  The plumbing is now drained and the deck drains cleared.  There is about 3 or 4mm of rain water in the engine bay but that's nothing.  The best thing I noticed was that even though Wigrams Turn is pretty windswept, (down at the service key the water was very choppy), Herbie is quite sheltered from the prevailing breeze by the surrounding boats so I doubt he solar panels will blow away.    It was a four hour round trip just to check on her, but the peace of mind is worth it.

Wigrams has quite a few residential boaters in the senior citizen category and although a number of them were out and about, they all seemed very anxious to maintain a large social distance, especially from me as someone they don't recognise.  I think the local area of Southam and Rugby is one with a relatively high Covid prevalence so I suppose the marina residents are nervous of strangers.

Back at home, the locals are doing unusual things too.  Look at his picture I took a couple of hundred yards from our house.  

These cars stretching right back to a roundabout on onto a dual carriageway are the rear end of a crawling queue more than three times as long.  I counted forty vehicles in all. Road works?  An accident? Nope, just the queue for a McDonald's drive thru.  When we walked past the restaurant entrance (we pass it on our walk round the local lake) that was heaving with people.  Some lucky businesses seem to be doing well in lockdown, but you have to wonder about their effect on the spread of the virus.  I guess drive thru bit is pretty safe though, you may well get more ill from the dietary effect of eating too much fast food.

Finally, just to cheer you up, I mentioned in my previous post the steep learning curve of using digital recording software. Yesterday I downloaded the user guide to my chosen app (Reaper if anyone is interested). It is 438 pages long!  That should keep me quiet for a few weeks,  I'm currently on page eight, not counting the contents pages.  I don't think I'll be printing it off.  

Be prepared

 When I were a young lad I rose to the dizzy heights of being a Sixer in the Cubs.  Being a somewhat timid boy, the responsibility weighed heavily upon me but I bore it bravely and tried not to cry when I fell over, or when one  (well five probably) of the cubs in my six questioned my authority.  It stood me in good stead for , erm, nothing in particular, but at least the cubs taught me two things.  The two fingered salute (of which I shall say no more) and the motto Be Prepared.

So with that famous motto in mind, Ive decided to rush  out to Herbie before Thursday's lockdown commencement to explain to her why I won't be able to visit for a while and to do an early winterisation.  Yes, the plumbing shall be drained, the bit in the Morco that can freeze shall be emptied of water, the shower mixer removed and emptied, the temporary double glazing re installed, the rear deck drains cleared of obstruction, the solar panels secured against hurricanes etc etc.  

From all that you may infer that we feel it is unlikely that we will be going boating during what's left of 2020, and you would be correct.  In the fifteen years we have owned Herbie this will be  far and away the year with the lowest number of days on board.  Ah well, can't be helped I suppose.  Something might come along to cheer us up, perhaps as soon as next Tuesday if the US elections go the right way.

Another boaty job has been under way in the meantime, and for lovers of schadenfraude  it amply demonstrates how my DiY inexperience almost invariably leads to folly. Last time we were out boating, the glazed tiles behind Herbie's stove decided to fall off the wall.  The first plan was to stick them back on ( a non trivial task bearing in mind the narrow space in which to work).  Then Kath mentioned that she had always worried about the fire risk of the heat getting through to the wooden bulkhead behind and shouldn't we now take the chance to  deal with that.  So from Midland Sw Chandlers, we got some insulating boards, a bit like plasterboard but less dense and thicker. They're pretty soft and easy to cut to size.  I asked about painting them and the man said that'd be fine, but to make sure to prime the boards first with PVA or else the boards would soak up the paint like a sponge.  We've got a squeezy bottle of PVA at home for Kath's craft work, but I assumed we'd need a larger quantity, so from Wickes I bought a five litre bottle of the stuff.  Only then did I look at some YouTube videos of how to apply PVA as a primer to discover that you need to dilute the PVA by about ten to one with water.  So if anyone needs about 4.75 litres of unused PVA, I'm your man.

Plans for lockdown II? Ideally I'd have a go at writing another book if only the muse would show up, but while I'm waiting I thought I ought to give my kids and grandchildren a present they don't want by making recordings of my musical ineptitude for posterity. For years and years I trod the boards of local folk clubs, singing and playing passable versions of songs I had nicked off records or dug out of books.  I think at one time I might have been able to knock out several dozen of them in the unlikely event that  nobody stopped me.  I've forgotten how to do a lot of them of course, but I can still have a stab at twenty or so.  So I have splashed out on a couple of bits of modest equipment to do the recordings. Who knew microphones were so expensive (even cheap ones!)? and am studying the bewildering world of Digital Audio Workstations aka home recording and mixing software.  Flippin' eck there's a lot to learn. If that wasn't challenging enough, I've discovered another problem.  Finding silence.  The whirr of the computer fan, the gentle hum of the freezer that stands in the spare bedroom where I work, the loud clunk (every thirty seconds) of our beloved Syncronome electro mechanical master clock downstairs, the splashing of the rain against the window pane.   I'll have to avoid Sunday mornings and Thursday evening because of the church bells. Now, even as I write this there's a flippin' helicopter flying around outside. It's not going to be easy folks.  

So that should while away a few days or weeks of winter. It might even last me until we can go boating again.

Stay safe dear readers, and hang in there for the Herbie Awards - they'll go ahead Covid or no Covid.